Hi, I'm Shingo Suzuki, also known as Suzushin.
Let me begin with a report that isn't especially flattering. I haven't played an actual game on Chess.com for almost a month.
Duolingo is the only thing I've kept doing
I haven't stopped engaging with chess altogether: I still study it on Duolingo every day. Honestly, though, the main reason is not wanting to break my streak, rather than improving.
My rating has also fallen a little around this period away from games. It was 500 when I wrote my earlier article; my current live rating is 472.
One saving grace is that my personal ranking system uses peak rating. Even though my current number has dropped, I can keep my rank of 11 kyu.
In the earlier article, I said my first target was 10 kyu, a rating of 600. Now that I've been away from games, that goal feels further away. I do regret that.
Honestly, I'm afraid to lose
I've thought about why I'm avoiding games. The answer is simple: I'm scared of losing. Duolingo isn't a game against another person, so nobody sees me lose and no rating drops.
On Chess.com, a loss lowers my rating, and having a real opponent adds emotional pressure. Before I knew it, I'd chosen to keep doing only the less stressful activity.
I previously wrote that I was learning the London System and Pirc Defence, but I didn't feel I could use them effectively in games. I think I slipped into a vicious cycle: “If I study and still can't win, then playing itself is frightening.”
I've decided to return to the basics
I know continuing with Duolingo alone won't solve the underlying problem. So I'll go back to the beginning and relearn the foundations.
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I've chosen an introductory book that explains chess basics through manga. It feels more approachable than a text-only guide, which seems right for me while I'm anxious about losing.
Since memorizing openings didn't go well, this time I want to revisit the foundations—how pieces move and basic ways of thinking—rather than the opening lines themselves. Sometimes taking the longer route is the best way forward.
Finding my way back to actual games
In an earlier article, I wrote about declaring a goal publicly precisely when I lack confidence. This is another example. By writing honestly, I hope to give myself a reason to return to playing.
Avoiding losses forever won't make me stronger. I'll review the basics and gradually return to games on Chess.com.
Come to think of it, this isn't limited to chess. Sometimes restarting something after a long break takes more courage than beginning something new.
Admitting that I've been neglecting games feels a little embarrassing. Still, leaving an honest record should make this a meaningful turning point when I look back later.
If you've also felt afraid to restart because it's been too long, I'd be happy if we could take that first step together.